For just those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks...
when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks...
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks..
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I??
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life richer
and to give me a small glimpse of eternity.
~S Erling
I was going to have good news because I found out that I was expecting a week ago but today I found out that the baby will not make it. Now I'm just waiting for the inevitable. I feel like the joy was ripped out of the very core of me today.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What's up --->
This past week has been fun... I called my mama and made plans with her for Thanksgiving. She and my stepdad are going to come over with my stepsister and possibly my younger brother. My mother-in-law and father-in-law may possibly come over too if they get the chance. It will be a noisy, crowded home on Thanksgiving but that's okay. I like my home lively :-)
Samara, Andrea, and Myranda are doing UIL this year. Myranda is going for Storytelling. She had her first practice on Wednesday and it ran late. It was supposed to end at 3:45 and didn't end until almost 4:00. That made things interesting because Andrea has honor choir practice on the same day. She got out at 3:55 and she goes to a different school a couple miles away so I was late picking her up. Luckily she had her phone so I could explain what happened. Hopefully Myranda's practice won't run that late anymore. Andrea is going to do Music Memory for UIL this year. She did that before a couple of years ago and learned quick that you have to study and practice to do well so hopefully she does great this year. Samara is going to do Art Appreciation I think. It's the one where she has to memorize the titles of famous artwork. She did that a couple years ago too and won first place so I'm sure she will do well again as long as she prepares.
I really need to get Alex and Jaina scheduled for their yearly well child visit. I've been putting that off because there's been so much going on. I also need to get their yearly photos done but I may wait until we get our family portraits done.
Just for future reference, I *may* have a big announcement soon...
Tom and I received some very interesting information that, once we have validated, we will share with everyone.
That is the only hint I will provide ;-)
Samara, Andrea, and Myranda are doing UIL this year. Myranda is going for Storytelling. She had her first practice on Wednesday and it ran late. It was supposed to end at 3:45 and didn't end until almost 4:00. That made things interesting because Andrea has honor choir practice on the same day. She got out at 3:55 and she goes to a different school a couple miles away so I was late picking her up. Luckily she had her phone so I could explain what happened. Hopefully Myranda's practice won't run that late anymore. Andrea is going to do Music Memory for UIL this year. She did that before a couple of years ago and learned quick that you have to study and practice to do well so hopefully she does great this year. Samara is going to do Art Appreciation I think. It's the one where she has to memorize the titles of famous artwork. She did that a couple years ago too and won first place so I'm sure she will do well again as long as she prepares.
I really need to get Alex and Jaina scheduled for their yearly well child visit. I've been putting that off because there's been so much going on. I also need to get their yearly photos done but I may wait until we get our family portraits done.
Just for future reference, I *may* have a big announcement soon...
Tom and I received some very interesting information that, once we have validated, we will share with everyone.
That is the only hint I will provide ;-)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Beautiful the mess we are...
I love this song...
God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves a drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
Monday, November 1, 2010
Happy November!
Whoops! I blinked and there went a decent sized chunk of the year!!! I really need to get on here more often (I keep saying that, I know!) so why not now? I have way too much to update on so I will just touch on a few things.
Now where did I leave off? Oh yeah. We celebrated my 27th birthday and Samara's 11th birthday in May and Andrea's 10th birthday in June. Tom turned the big 3-2 in June as well. Just this past month Jaina turned 2 and Alex turned 3.
Samara accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior (YAY!) and later was baptised in July! I am also growing more in my faith and making some wonderful friends since I started taking the kids to Spring Valley Baptist Church after moving to Fort Worth. I could go on about my faith but that will have to be another blog post.
School has been keeping the kiddos busy especially since Andrea is in honor choir and Samara is in drama. Myranda is having a little trouble in school but we are working on that. Alex and Jaina are both currently working on potty training. Both of them are pretty close to being done. I became an Avon Rep on October 8th and last but not least, Tom and I celebrated 5 years of being together on October 20th :-)
So that's it in a tiny nutshell...
Now where did I leave off? Oh yeah. We celebrated my 27th birthday and Samara's 11th birthday in May and Andrea's 10th birthday in June. Tom turned the big 3-2 in June as well. Just this past month Jaina turned 2 and Alex turned 3.
Samara accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior (YAY!) and later was baptised in July! I am also growing more in my faith and making some wonderful friends since I started taking the kids to Spring Valley Baptist Church after moving to Fort Worth. I could go on about my faith but that will have to be another blog post.
School has been keeping the kiddos busy especially since Andrea is in honor choir and Samara is in drama. Myranda is having a little trouble in school but we are working on that. Alex and Jaina are both currently working on potty training. Both of them are pretty close to being done. I became an Avon Rep on October 8th and last but not least, Tom and I celebrated 5 years of being together on October 20th :-)
So that's it in a tiny nutshell...
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Fast and Slow
Thanks to my little ones watching Nick Jr., this song has been stuck in my head :-) At least it's not an annoying one lol.
Monday, May 31, 2010
As we celebrate Memorial Day...
Let us remember and honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we may still call our country the land of the free...
Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lake, from the hills, from the sky.
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.
Fading light, dims the sight,
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright.
From afar, drawing nigh, falls the night.
Thanks and praise, for our days,
'Neath the sun, 'neath the stars, neath the sky.
As we go, this we know, God is nigh.
Sun has set, shadows come,
Time has fled, we must go to our rest.
Always true to the promises we've made.
Fading light, dims the sight,
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright.
From afar, drawing nigh,
Falls the night.
"Taps"
Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lake, from the hills, from the sky.
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.
Fading light, dims the sight,
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright.
From afar, drawing nigh, falls the night.
Thanks and praise, for our days,
'Neath the sun, 'neath the stars, neath the sky.
As we go, this we know, God is nigh.
Sun has set, shadows come,
Time has fled, we must go to our rest.
Always true to the promises we've made.
Fading light, dims the sight,
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright.
From afar, drawing nigh,
Falls the night.
"Taps"
Thursday, May 13, 2010
57% of Americans dont think women should breastfeed in public.
According to Babytalk Magazine, 57% of Americans dont think women should breastfeed in public.
Wow.
*headdesk*
I guess women who exclusively breastfeed should hide away for the remainder of the time that they nurse their children? Um, no. Those 57% should grow up and stop this crazy obsession that boobs are strictly sexual, indecent, etc. and be glad that those children are being given the best possible nutrition. Sorry but if breastfeeding women can't feed their babies in public then bottle feeding shouldn't be allowed in public. Sounds silly doesn't it? That's the same idea.
End rant.
Cafe Manager Berates Breastfeeding Mom
http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/breastfeeding-mom-harrassed-restaurant/story?id=10627999
Wow.
*headdesk*
I guess women who exclusively breastfeed should hide away for the remainder of the time that they nurse their children? Um, no. Those 57% should grow up and stop this crazy obsession that boobs are strictly sexual, indecent, etc. and be glad that those children are being given the best possible nutrition. Sorry but if breastfeeding women can't feed their babies in public then bottle feeding shouldn't be allowed in public. Sounds silly doesn't it? That's the same idea.
End rant.
Cafe Manager Berates Breastfeeding Mom
http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/breastfeeding-mom-harrassed-restaurant/story?id=10627999
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Can I have just FIVE minutes?
I stumbled upon the following letter at http://www.topbabypages.com/. I couldn't help but feel this author's pain. I cannot count the number of times I have been interrupted while attempting to take a shower. While it is frustrating, I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world. I love every bit of it, good, bad, and downright ugly :-)
Dear Kids,
Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath. It will take about 30 minutes and will involve soap and water. Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I've got energy for. (Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)
Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things, the large slab of wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my
voice. I promise that even though you can't see me, I am on the other side. I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago, I didn't mean it.
Honest.
There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day. Later means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.
Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a message. Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the laundry marker. We can't send him to school with telephone-number tattoos.
Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs. I'm choosing not to answer you.
Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the
bathroom. He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it this time. Trust me.
No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful. I remember who you are and why you are grounded. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to play. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to use the bathroom.
If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.
Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors
locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them.
Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there is an emergency.
Emergencies are:
1. Dad has fallen off the roof.
2. Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.
3. There's a red fire truck in front of our house.
Emergencies are not:
1. Dad has fallen asleep.
2. Someone on TV is bleeding.
3. There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.
One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka dots. In the future, when anything in the bathroom overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of
every towel in the house. For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, O.K.?
No, I don't want to hear the real story.
Ever.
Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.
(P.S. All Play-Doh experiments are canceled.)
Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table.
I'll be out soon. Maybe.
Love, Mom
Dear Kids,
Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath. It will take about 30 minutes and will involve soap and water. Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I've got energy for. (Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)
Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things, the large slab of wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my
voice. I promise that even though you can't see me, I am on the other side. I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago, I didn't mean it.
Honest.
There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day. Later means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.
Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a message. Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the laundry marker. We can't send him to school with telephone-number tattoos.
Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs. I'm choosing not to answer you.
Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the
bathroom. He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it this time. Trust me.
No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful. I remember who you are and why you are grounded. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to play. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to use the bathroom.
If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.
Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors
locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them.
Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there is an emergency.
Emergencies are:
1. Dad has fallen off the roof.
2. Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.
3. There's a red fire truck in front of our house.
Emergencies are not:
1. Dad has fallen asleep.
2. Someone on TV is bleeding.
3. There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.
One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka dots. In the future, when anything in the bathroom overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of
every towel in the house. For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, O.K.?
No, I don't want to hear the real story.
Ever.
Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.
(P.S. All Play-Doh experiments are canceled.)
Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table.
I'll be out soon. Maybe.
Love, Mom
Monday, April 19, 2010
I Can't Wait
When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes
Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that i have lost along the way
And I can't wait
As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
How to say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
Oh you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important (essential) things
And all that i have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of love and dreams
And all the most essential thing
And all that I have lost along the way
Cause I can't wait
"I Can't Wait" by Sara Groves
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes
Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that i have lost along the way
And I can't wait
As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
How to say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait
How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
Oh you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important (essential) things
And all that i have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of love and dreams
And all the most essential thing
And all that I have lost along the way
Cause I can't wait
"I Can't Wait" by Sara Groves
Monday, April 5, 2010
A Post With No Name
Why is it as a child you feel as if time crawls, but as you get older it feels like somebody is slowly upping the tempo to your life's song until it moves so fast that one day you look in the mirror and realize that the person staring back at you is not the one who did 10, 5, or even 3 years ago? I mean, it's not always a bad thing, it's just a little alarming at how fast time goes by. I'm sitting here pondering the things that need done in my life and while I subtract the hours required to do these things, I realize that I am in some serious debt, time-wise! There are so many things that need done but no time to do them. I almost feel guilty sitting here writing this because at this very moment I am thinking of those few dishes left in the sink that need to be added to the dishwasher or the remaining pile of dirty laundry that needs washed, or heck, the mountain of boxes in our garage that needs tackled. But you know what? Now that I have a few minutes to myself with the children asleep in their beds, I think I'm going to spend the last few minutes of my day to destress, wind down, and veg :-)
I honestly planned to post a detailed update with these few extra minutes (No, really!) but everyone will just have to wait. It's not like there's anything major to report at the moment anyway so I will just leave you all with my "mini-rant" :-)
I honestly planned to post a detailed update with these few extra minutes (No, really!) but everyone will just have to wait. It's not like there's anything major to report at the moment anyway so I will just leave you all with my "mini-rant" :-)
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